can you keep a secret?

In the summer... in the city...

2009-07-03T10:15:00.004-05:00

Word of the day:
DOUGHTY
Adj.: Marked by fearless resolution; valiant; brave.

I have made a fearless resolution: I am training for the Wineglass Marathon in Corning, New York on Sunday, October 4th. I have a new running blog that I'm using to help keep myself on track and get feedback from friends and other runners. Come follow my new blog!

Outside of running, this week has been a tough week. The running has been great. The insane amounts of unstructured free time, however, have not been so great. I need structure to my days. I can't do this free time thing anymore. My job at the Harlem School of the Arts starts on Monday, and I couldn't be more excited. I'll be working Monday/Tuesday 9am-noon and Wednesday/Thursday 9-10am. It'll give me just enough structure in the mornings to keep me sane, while still allowing me the time to spend a good chunk of my summer outside doing things.

Here's my summer to-do list. Please feel free to add suggestions in comment form!

~Spend more time at the High Line
~Ride my bike at least 4 days a week
~Go to the Astoria Park pool
~Go to the floating pool in the Bronx
~See some outdoor movies
~Go running along the Hudson River
~Spend a lot of time in Central Park
~Go kayaking on the Hudson through the Downtown Boathouse
~Go canoeing or kayaking on the East River through the Long Island City Community Boathouse
~BE OUTSIDE

Once upon a time...

2009-06-23T21:19:00.004-05:00

Word of the day:
ONEIRIC
Adj.: Of, pertaining to, or suggestive of dreams; dreamy.

Honorary word of the day:
GRAVID
Adj.: Being with child, pregnant.
(I've called this the "honorary" word of the day because it doesn't pertain to me, but to my sister. I couldn't pass it up because I'm so very excited about my niece-or-nephew-to-be, but if it were my only word of the day, it might cause some worry on the part of you, my dear readers, in terms of to whom the word refers... Hence, "honorary.")

I've been having some weird dreams over the past couple days. Last night I had one in which I was out at a restaurant somewhere that was supposed to be downtown Milwaukee, maybe the Third Ward area, and I was alone and realized I had no way to get home, because obviously I don't own a vehicle. I tried calling family but first there was no answer, then my cell phone stopped working so I tried to find a pay phone. Then I noticed that a cop was outside so I asked him for help, and he said that if I drove the car he was impounding over to some random sketchy place in not-so-great-neighborhood Milwaukee I could get a lift home from the person I was delivering the car to. (Weird.) Then a cab came by so I asked if he could take me to my parents' house, and he agreed and we zoomed away and at one point ended up flying through the air over some sort of speed bump and then landing on the road like we were in a car-racing video game. It all went kind of out of order, because I think after that image I was back in the restaurant still trying to find a way to get home... But that's the last I remember. What a funky dream.

Contrary to what you may think, since I rambled on quite a bit about my weird dream, the word of the day isn't actually about my recent dreams. Instead, it refers to the fact that I feel like some of what's been happening in my life of late isn't quite real. So many things are going right, I'm having a hard time wanting to talk about them all for fear that something -- and a very specific something -- might disappear, as if my talking about it excitedly could result in it being taken away from me.

I feel like I was just going along, living my life as usual, and suddenly I've woken up and I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person. Intellectually I remember how it came about, with all the typical insecurities and uncertainties about the beginnings of dating someone, but emotionally I don't remember feeling anything but secure and content and happy and lucky and blessed and hopeful.

So there's that.

There's also my kickass new apartment that I love. I'll post pictures soon, once I feel the place looks respectable enough to show to the public.

Then there's my work life. I had an incredible review from my boss 2 weeks ago, and have been slowly adding more and more to my occupational plate as opportunities have been presenting themselves. I'm now going to be the head coach for 7th/8th grade girls' volleyball in the fall. I'm working at the Harlem School of the Arts this summer, just two mornings a week, but they've tentatively asked me if I'd be interested in working their Saturday program during the school year. I have three new piano students for the fall -- kids who are my students at school and will now also be my private piano students. I had my first lesson today with one of them, and it was incredible.

And then of course there's the running. The past 2ish weeks have not been great because the end of the year + my night class = kicking my butt... But I've still been getting my training runs in for the most part. Last night I ran from my apartment across the Queensboro (59th street) Bridge, over to Central Park, up the west side of the park to 85th street, across the park, then back down the east side to 59th and over to Lexington, where I got on the subway to go back home. All of that was 7 miles, although looking at it on a map it seems like it should've been more... But when I got home I felt so good that I had created a pretty tough route for myself and had finished it and wasn't in any pain at all.

So there's all that.

The part that I'm worried about right now is my spiritual life. I'm not having doubts or crises of faith or anything like that. My faith, I feel, is stronger than ever, because I'm so incredibly thankful for all the wonderful things that have been coming my way. But that doesn't really explain why I've only gone to church twice in the past 2 months. I've been going just about every week for 6-7 years. I think some of it may have to do with the fact that I don't feel like I'm getting much out of going when I sing in the choir. I love singing in the choir, but I've started feeling like I really am just on display and am so conscious of how I look and sound and act when I'm up there, which is the opposite of what I want to focus on at church. I don't want to give up the choir entirely, but I think I really can't sing in it every week. I need to have weeks where I'm just a member of the congregation, there to pray and think and learn and be part of the general community, rather than perform for them, which is how I've started to see the choir. Many of the people in it are not Catholic, and are "hired guns" as it were, which may contribute to my feelings of "showiness" at times. I'm praying about this a lot lately, and I don't want to allow myself to just not go to church. There are people who turn to God only in times of need. I'm not saying that people who do that are bad or wrong, but just that I've never been like that. I turn to God for help in times of need, but for celebration in times of joy. This happens to be a time of joy in my life, and I don't want to let myself forget the celebration and thanksgiving.

Well, as this was my first post in a month -- a month that seems to have flown by without even being noticed -- it's only appropriate that it's the length of a novella. Congrats to you if you made it this far.

A bientôt.

BIG NEWS!!!

2009-05-26T18:37:00.009-05:00

Word of the Day:
CORUSCATE
Verb: To give off or reflect bright beams or flashes of light; to sparkle.

In my last post I alluded to a few things going on in my personal life that I couldn't talk about yet. Well, I have received the official "okay, you can tell whomever you want now!" from my sister, so here it is... On or around December 29th, I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!! Hurray! :) I can't wait to spoil the heck out of this child. Sigh.

My previous entry was the night before the "Healthy Kidney 10K" (6.2 miles) in Central Park, and I have to say, I was so ridiculously pleased with how well I ran. I finished in 1:01:55, which makes it a 9:59 mile. I still can't really believe it. I *never* run that fast. When I do 5+ miles, I tend to run around a 10:30-11:15 mile. But a 9:59 mile? For 6.2 HILLY miles??? Crazy! I had a terrible run a couple days later, but then I got over it and the next one was better.

This past weekend Jocelyn and I visited my friend Lauren in Danvers, just north of Boston. Jocelyn is running the Rock 'n Roll Marathon in San Diego this weekend -- her first!!! -- and has been a big part of my inspiration and motivation to run. We went on a 6-mile run Saturday morning, and in the middle of it I had a minor revelation. The first mile or two of a run are always really hard for me. My feet feel awkward, my legs feel tired, and my shorts ride up where they shouldn't... But then around mile 3, I get into the zone. My body starts working without me. I'm just going. THAT is why I love running. When I'm having a particularly hard run, I need to remember that -- to push past the first mile or so and focus on the high that comes later on. At some point I hope to figure out a way to get more out of the first mile or two so they're not so hard, but for now I'm just learning so much about myself and about running and I love that. By the last half mile or so on Saturday, I was getting MORE energized. With every step, my energy level was increasing, and I felt like I could've kept going for another 6 or 7 miles. (I hope I have that feeling in, oh, say, September when I'm running my half marathon...)

On a different note...
I'm slowly putting my fall schedule together, which seems odd at this point since it's not even June, but it needs to be done. Tonight I made my 3-year plan for grad school courses, so hopefully I'll be all set there. It's an interesting mix of classes, and I'm sure some of it will change, but I really don't have a lot of classes to take, so it'll be pretty simple scheduling. I've decided not to take another class on top of my Fieldwork, because I have a feeling I'll be plenty busy as it is... I'm going to be gaining at least one new piano student, as well as coaching volleyball again at school. I would love to have a healthy personal life despite all the work/school commitments, so hopefully that won't be too hard.

Hopefully I will continue posting relatively often and won't have to do massive life-update entries all the time. Mayhaps I'll even be able to get back to my real writer's voice, as opposed to the "here's all the stuff that's going on, I'll make it brief" thing I've been doing lately. What a concept! Anyway... I'll leave you with some pictures from Memorial Day weekend. :)

Lauren and I at the Sam Adams Brewery

Slim, the sexiest pirate in Salem

Jocelyn and I, searching for witches in Salem

Jocelyn, Lauren, and I soaking up the sun in the jacuzzi

Jocelyn and I at the pool

John and I on the Great Lawn in Central Park after some bike-riding, baseball-throwing fun on Memorial Day

Run run run...

2009-05-15T20:53:00.003-05:00

Word of the day:
GAMBOL
Verb: To dance and skip about in play; frolic.

Word of the day 2:
RISIBLE
Adj.: Capable of laughing, disposed to laugh; worthy of laughter, amusing.

Wow, I haven't posted in ages. So much has been going on, I just haven't even had a chance. The rest of March, all of April, and half of May have zoomed by...

Upon rereading my last post, I have to say that I am so proud of myself. In late March, I was getting excited by the fact that I could run 2.5 miles on a treadmill. Now my longest run is 7 miles, and I run outside whenever possible, rather than on a treadmill. I ran a 5k for women with cancer on my birthday (May 2nd), and now I'm running the "Healthy Kidney" 10k tomorrow morning. I will now be doing a lap of Central Park (6 miles) with my friend Erin every Wednesday after work. We ran it this past Wednesday in just over an hour, which ended up being about 10:30/mile. I'm officially addicted to running, and do actually consider myself a Runner -- with a capital R. I joined NY Road Runners, and will be getting a subscription to Runners World. I'm going to run the Queens half marathon in September, and my goal is to run a marathon sometime within the next 2 years... maybe a year if I really train.

The euphoric high that comes from running is something that I've never felt before, even with music, which has always been a spiritual thing for me. There's something about propelling yourself with only your own body and being part of the surroundings that people walk by... I can't explain it, but now I finally get it. I get what my sister and my dad have been doing all these years, and I'm so happy that I do.

In other news...

I'm moving! Only 2 blocks, literally -- my new apartment has the same street number as my current place, I'm just moving 2 blocks west in Astoria, from 30th st to Crescent st. I'll be moving into a fairly large studio, which is super exciting! My current roommate, Mandy, will be living on my couch for a month and a half or so until she moves in with her boyfriend, which will be a nice little extra bit o' cash for me, since I can't really afford to move right now!

Speaking of which... I wasn't planning on working this summer, because I really want to do a lot of curriculum work and had talked myself into thinking that wouldn't get done if I had a job. But that's crap. I'll be teaching 4-9 year old music classes at the Harlem School of the Arts from 9-noon on Mondays and Tuesdays from July 7-Aug 14. I'm really excited for the job, especially for the student population I'll be working with.

There's so much other stuff going on that I can't even begin to talk about, nor do I generally talk about it here in this blog. I guess I'll just say that I'm excited about what's going on in my personal life, and even though I have no idea what exactly *is* going on or what to call it, I really like whatever it is. Other than that, there's still more stuff going on, but I'll have to elaborate another time.

For now I'll leave it with this: I fucking love the Milwaukee Brewers, and I'm so glad the baseball season is in full swing. (Ha, full swing. I didn't even do that on purpose.) Baseball is partially responsible for my lack of blogging in the past nearly 2 months. Also a culprit is my graduate school work, which I still have to finish. My class ended on the 7th but I still have a 5-page paper due. Oops. Good thing the professor said he'd accept things until the 18th. (Although if he'd said everything had to be in by the 7th, I would have done it... I'm just a world-class procrastinator.)

Time for sleep. I'll post soon again, really.

Strength in Numbers

2009-03-23T22:11:00.004-05:00

Word of the day:
SCINTILLA
Noun: A tiny or scarcely detectable amount; the slightest particle; a trace; a spark.

I can't quite find the words I want in order to describe how I've felt lately. The best I can do right now is "I feel great." But that doesn't begin to explain it. For the past 3-4 months, I've been going to the gym 4-5 times a week. Initially I was using a slightly higher-impact version of an elliptical machine, and then lifting weights. For the past month and a half-ish, I've been running 2 or 2.5 miles on a treadmill and then lifting. I have never been able to run before in my life. Seriously. Never. I know I've lost weight these past few months, but the number on the scale isn't even what's important to me anymore. (Okay, the number is important. -26 pounds since October. Hell yes.) But what's even more important than that is how I feel, and I feel amazing. I ran 2.5 miles today in 27 minutes, and I felt good (almost) the whole time. I was nowhere near dying at the end. I can definitely push myself to run 3 miles in 30 minutes. Maybe not on a regular basis, but I can do it. This feeling of empowerment is absolutely incredible.

And it's infectious, throughout my life. I was by no means unhappy before, but it's so much easier for me to see what is important now. It may sound strange, but this commitment to being healthy and getting into shape has inspired in me a new level of commitment to other aspects of my life. I'm not even going to say "I hope I can keep this up," because I know I can. At this point, I can't *not* keep it up. I'm addicted to running, I can't stomach the thought of eating the way I used to... I'll never go back.

My inspiration for all of this has come from both my sister Jen and my dear friend Jocelyn. Jen ran all through high school and completed her first marathon years ago. She was a certified personal trainer in LA (until she decided she hated people who have personal trainers in LA), and she's still *my* personal trainer. Jocelyn is training for her first marathon, and is going to run my 5K with me on my birthday. It's thanks to these 2 unstoppable, strong, independent ladies that I have gained the strength I needed to change a large part of my day-to-day lifestyle.

Don't worry, I promise I won't write another sappy feel-good post for a while. Rereading this, I'm getting a little nauseous.

Ceeeeelebrate good times (come on!)

2009-03-20T23:46:00.004-05:00

Word of the day:
DIATRIBE
Noun: A bitter verbal attack or speech.

If you've spoken to me in the past 30 days, you've heard my diatribe against Verizon internet. Well, as of this afternoon -- Friday, March 20th, only a month and a day after our internet was cut off -- we are back in business. Holy crap, a month is a long time to go without internet. I hope it doesn't disappear in the near future, but I believe Verizon to be capable of any amount of trickery, so you never know. For now, I am connected. Party on, Wayne.

"I WANNA ROCK!" say both Twisted Sister and Kristin

2009-02-10T19:33:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
FETTLE
Noun: A state or condition of fitness or order; state of mind; spirits -- often used in the phrase "in fine fettle."

I am definitely getting into a groove. I've never felt this healthy in my life. I've been pushing myself pretty hard in terms of eating healthy and being much more active. My goal is 15 minutes of activity a day (whether that's a trip to the gym or simply getting off the subway a couple stops early and walking), but I've been trying to get to the gym at least twice a week. This week, I've turned into a machine. I've gone to the gym three days in a row now, and have only missed a day or two in the past week. I wasn't going to go today because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and needed a nap, but instead I watched last week's episode of Biggest Loser (which I'd missed because I was sick) and that made me think, "What the hell are you doing, Kristin? Get your ass to the gym!" (I'm such a sap, I cry a TON during that show, every episode haha.)

All this work seems to be paying off, finally. On Sunday, I officially hit my first big milestone: I'm down 15 pounds since the beginning of November. Almost a whole pants size. WOO.

What I need now are music suggestions! I like to change up my workout playlist every so often, and it seems like I need to lose some of the stuff that's too familiar and get some new, upbeat jams. These days I've been rocking out to a lot of hair metal. My last playlist was a bunch of pop crap, some of which pissed me off and some of which did not... The one before that was high-energy Foo Fighters songs. It runs the gamut, basically. Here's my current playlist (which I put on shuffle):

Aerosmith - Walk this Way
Aerosmith - Dream On
Alice Cooper - No More Mr. Nice Guy
Alice Cooper - School's Out
Bad Company - Rock and Roll Fantasy
Bad Company - Ready for Love
Black Mountain - Don't Run Our Hearts Around
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Boston - Let Me Take You Home Tonight
Boston - More than a Feeling
Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water
Doobie Brothers - Black Water
ELO - Don't Bring Me Down
Fleetwood Mac - World Turning
Foreigner - Cold As Ice
Guns 'N Roses - Paradise City
Guns 'N Roses - Sweet Child o' Mine
Guns 'N Roses - November Rain
Iggy & the Stooges - Search and Destroy
Jimi Hendrix - All Along the Watchtower
Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
Joan Jett - I Love Rock and Roll
Journey - Don't Stop Believin'
Journey - Wheel in the Sky
Led Zeppelin - Black Dog
Metallica - Enter Sandman
Motley Crue - Same Old Situation
Poison - Talk Dirty to Me
Queen - Killer Queen
Ram Jam - Black Betty
Tesla - Love Song --> I have fallen in love with this song (appropriately enough)
Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It
Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock
Van Halen - Runnin' with the Devil

INPUT PLEASE!

Truckin'

2009-02-06T15:16:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
KINETIC
Adj.: Of or having to do with motion; caused by motion.

My dear readers, please sit back as I tell you a quirky tale involving the New York City Metropolitan Transportation Authority, lovingly known as the MTA (or sometimes not so lovingly, with an expletive before the title). If you are not familiar with the geography of New York City, fear not, I shall provide additional details to help you picture the events as the story unfolds. All you need to know so far is that I work on the upper west side of Manhattan, and I live in Queens, which is to the east of Manhattan.

Once upon a time...

Or rather... This afternoon, I left work and hopped on the M60 bus, which picks me up a block away from my work and takes me across the city, all the way into Queens. I got on at 110th street and Broadway, which is on the west side of Manhattan. After about 10 minutes on the bus, we stopped at 125th and Amsterdam. Amsterdam is one avenue block east of Broadway. Avenues tend to be the length of about 3-4 street blocks. So at this point we're 15 blocks north and one avenue east of where we started. The bus driver began to have trouble closing the back doors. If these doors aren't closed, the bus doesn't move. So she got out, circled the bus, tried to push them closed from the outside, failed miserably, and walked off somewhere. (I still don't know where she went.) In the meantime, another M60 bus pulled up behind us, let people off, and left. By the time I'd made my way to the front of the bus and pushed my way out the front doors, yet another M60 bus had come and gone. As I got off the bus, an M100 bus pulled up. This bus wouldn't take me into Queens, but it would at least take me to the east side of Manhattan, and on the way I could possibly catch up with one of the M60 buses that had passed us.

I stayed on the M100 for about 4 avenues, waiting for the right time to make my move. Finally, at 5th avenue, I saw my opportunity. (At this point we were about halfway across Manhattan, from east to west.) We pulled up right behind the M60, I jumped out of the M100, ran up 15 feet, and watched the M60 pull away. Damn.

No need to fret, kindly readers, I refused to take no for an answer. I ran. I kept *almost* catching that M60. I'd get close, then it would pull through a yellow light, while I was forced to stop and wait for traffic. I ran from 5th avenue, past Madison avenue, Park avenue, Lexington avenue... I was starting to feel defeat creeping up on me, nipping at my heels. Alternate plans started to go through my head. I could just keep running to 2nd avenue and pay a cabbie $8 to take me over the bridge and into Queens -- but I didn't want to waste the money. I could wait for the next M60 -- but that would likely be about 20 minutes, since my original bus was probably still sitting there, unable to close the back door, and I'd have to wait for the one after that.

[Brief sidebar:]
Now, if you don't live in New York, you may be wondering, "Kristin, why are you such a dumbass? Why couldn't you just walk over the bridge?" Well, my friends, if this had been any other bridge -- the Queensboro Bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge -- I would have. Gladly. (It's nice out today.) But this is the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge, or the Artist Formerly Known As the Triborough Bridge. It basically consists of a system of bridges that connects, quite logically, three boroughs: Queens, Manhattan, and the Bronx. There is really no way to cross it without being in a vehicle. Even if there were, the distance from the Manhattan end to the Queens end of the bridge is about 3 miles.

We now return to our regularly scheduled storytelling.

So, as I was saying, I ran from 5th avenue, past Madison avenue, Park avenue, Lexington avenue, 3rd avenue, all the way to 2nd avenue. That blessed M60 was stuck at the light between 3rd and 2nd avenues, and I ran past it, making it to the bus stop well before the bus arrived. As I got on the bus, the driver said, "You didn't have to run, you had plenty of time." I laughed and replied, "I ran from 5th avenue to catch this bus." He gave me an appropriate "I think you're nuts but that's kind of impressive" look as I slid my MetroCard through the reader, quite pleased with myself.

Goodbye to procrastination? For now at least... I can always pick it up again later!

2009-01-28T22:30:00.003-06:00

Word of the day:
PANDICULATION
Noun: An instinctive stretching, as on awakening or while yawning.

So apparently pandiculation is a regular part of my daily life. It sounds like something dirty having to do with pandas, but in fact, it's just harmless stretching. How fun.

I started my graduate course last Thursday, and it is everything I was hoping for and more. It will actually involve much less writing but certainly as much reading as I had anticipated. We have two major papers to write, due any time during the course of the semester, and a final group presentation on the last day of class. The only other assignments are three separate reaction papers to selected readings. They can be for any three sets of readings between now and the beginning of May. I decided to be proactive, rather than my usual procrastinatory self, and write the first paper right away for this week. Man am I glad I did. I think it's a sign that I will be taking my graduate studies more seriously than I did as an undergraduate. I actually did the readings in their entirety, and I did not bullshit my way through the paper. Maybe it's because I actually care about the subject, and it directly pertains to my job and the things I think about involving teaching and learning... It's awfully refreshing to care about the work I'm doing. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Or maybe I never knew what that felt like.

That's "Miss Workaholic" to you!

2009-01-14T21:23:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
LAGGARD
Noun: A person or thing that moves too slowly or falls behind.
Adj.: Falling behind; slow.

I will no longer be laggard in my graduate studies. (Had to use that word of the day.)

Today I registered for a course at Bank Street College of Education (which is the graduate school connected to the school where I teach -- Bank Street School for Children). I will be taking Foundations of Modern Education, a class that I hear is quite heavy and I'm sure will have piles upon piles of reading and papers. I'm actually really excited about it though, because according to the course description it has a partnership with the Lincoln Center Institute. It should be a pretty interesting class, notwithstanding the endless work I'll be doing.

On Monday night I went to an open house at the graduate school and spoke with two of the advisors of the degree program I've been looking at doing at Bank Street, and they convinced me that I should just apply for matriculation into the program this fall... so apparently I'm in the middle of grad school applications? Well, one grad school application. I'm not applying anywhere else. No need to. This degree will be as close to free as I can possibly make it. Plus it would really be incredibly stupid to think about doing my masters degree anywhere else at this point. I have a good solid job that affords me two free classes per year. I have to finish my degree by August of 2012 to keep my NY State teaching certification (which I really need to keep if I ever want to teach anywhere else), so unless I want to pick up and move at the end of this year, I need to just grow up and get real.

Besides all that... I'm thinking that once I'm insanely busy with work, grad school, teaching private lessons, and all the other minutiae of life, I won't have time to think about whether or not I love my job/apartment/location/place in life, and I may in fact come to find that I *do* love (or almost love) all of those things.

Here's to that.

Things to report/nothing to report

2009-01-10T14:53:00.003-06:00

Word of the day:
WANDERLUST
Noun: A strong desire to wander or travel.

A list of things that have occurred in recent history:
-I had my first concert at school, which went much better than I could have hoped.
-Snow detained me at LaGuardia Airport for 8 hours, most of which were spent at the airport bar making new acquaintances.
-My sister moved from LA to Milwaukee; bro-in-law is to follow suit when he gets out of the Navy in March.
-Much time was spent with family, friends, and others in the 10 days I was in the Milwaukee area.
-2009 arrived, and I rang it in with my lovely roommate at our favorite bar on the upper west side.
-School started up again, and my anxiety for it rivaled that of the beginning of the school year (although I don't know why).
-The first week back at work was (surprisingly) pleasant and reminded me why I really do love what I do.
-My roommate got a touring gig with a theatre company starting next Sunday the 18th, through June, and must leave me.
-After 2 days of high stress levels, we found a good friend to sublet her room until the summer (thank God).

Although it seems that the 2 days of high stress levels were stressful for nothing, since we found someone wonderful to live with me in no time, I don't regret the stress. I knew it would be fine, but to just assume everything would work out in my favor as I wanted it to would have been awfully self-involved. I thought through all possibilities, including my having to move over February break if we hadn't found anyone to sublet. It's working out almost perfectly at this point, and hopefully that remains the case.

One last development has occurred in my mind -- I think I may live in Milwaukee for the summer. The city gets to be too much for me, and I have no real reason to stay here and pay rent for 2 months if I can avoid it. We shall see...

a humble prayer

2008-12-15T22:11:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
BEATIFIC
Adj.: Giving joy; exaltedly happy, blissful; blessing or making exceedingly happy.

I just sat down to write an entry and realized that most of what I wanted to say I already said, over a week ago. That might actually mean something... I keep bouncing back and forth between wanting to change everything (where I'm living, what I'm doing, etc.) and wanting to just shut out these feelings and pass them off as restlessness. I don't think that's what they are.

Please God, help me. Guide me. I'm leaving it up to You, because I can't do it on my own.

--Edit: In my post-publishing reread, I noticed that I didn't really connect my word of the day to the entry... It could be self-explanatory (that I want a beatific job, or something) but I don't think it is. My life has been and continues to be incredibly blessed. I know that these issues I'm struggling through right now are so much easier than many people's, especially in this hard time. Plus, having a steady, fulfilling job would mean nothing to me if I didn't have the good family and friends that I do. I felt I needed to clarify that, but I probably didn't.

I'm going to "maybe" myself into oblivion...

2008-12-07T22:57:00.004-06:00

Word of the day:
ADDLE
Verb: To make or become muddled or confused.

I'm feeling unfulfilled. Work, relationships, life. I'm not unhappy by any means, but there's something missing or just not right and I don't know what it is that my life is lacking that is giving me this feeling. I've never felt unfulfilled without a relationship before, so I don't think that's it. I think it's work. I enjoy my job, and I know I have a *good* job... But maybe I was too tunnel-visioned in high school and college. Maybe if my job had nothing to do with music, but allowed me to leave work at the end of the day and do other things, I could actually be a musician outside of work, in real life. Right now, I just don't have the time or the energy to do it. I sing all day, but it's not the kind of singing I'd like to be doing. Maybe I should've been an engineer. Maybe I should try to get a job in baseball. Maybe this is just my annual I'm-feeling-restless time.

Maybe these decisions aren't up to me.

(I need to pray more.)

EXTRA! EXTRA!

2008-12-07T00:14:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
HORRIPILATION
Noun: The act or process of the hair bristling on the skin, as from cold or fear; goosebumps.

I went to the Gap yesterday to kill some time while I was waiting for my cousin to meet me. I'd been there a couple weeks ago and had seen this really warm and comfy puffy-but-not-too-puffy vest that I really wanted to buy. I didn't buy it that first time because it was $68. When I saw it yesterday, it was $44.99. I did some math in my head and decided I could afford it, which was a relief because I probably would've ended up buying it anyway... To my surprise and delight, the vest rang up for $33 at the register. Hurray, big win for Kristin! I wanted to wear the vest today and was all excited to do so, but then I decided I'd be too cold in the evening. (I probably would've gotten horripilations once the sun went down.)

It's pretty fortunate that I opted for a coat instead of the vest... It did get pretty chilly this evening. The temperature, however, is not the big news today. IT SNOWED! I haven't been this excited about snow in YEARS. Seriously. For the past 5-6 years, I've convinced myself that I hate snow. This is just not true. Sure, I don't appreciate it when the snow interferes with my life, but I certainly don't hate snow. What I really despise is the nasty brown slushy crap that ends up all over the city after it snows. But tonight, the snow was only sticking to hands, faces, hair, and cars, not grass, pavement, etc. This is probably for the best.

For the first time in a long time, I may actually be looking forward to the Wisconsin weather I will get to experience in less than two weeks. What the hell is wrong with me??

a list of 27 on the 27th

2008-11-27T22:54:00.005-06:00

Word of the day:
GRATEFUL
Adj.: Warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful.

1. My wonderful family
2. Having a warm bed to sleep in
3. Knowing that my loved ones are safe
4. Music
5. Having delicious food
6. Being in the company of good people today
7. Agreeable weather
8. Electricity
9. Humor
10. Employment
11. Smiles on kids' faces
12. Smiles on adults-who-act-like-kids' faces
13. Education (my own personally and the field in general)
14. Long weekends
15. Affordable travel/transportation
16. Other people's families
17. Loving friends
18. Honesty, loyalty, and faithfulness
19. My faith
20. Opportunities to grow
21. Giving or helping when the giving or helping is unsolicited
22. Baseball
23. Football
24. Technology
25. Autumn weather
26. Fireplaces
27. Stars
...because it's now actually the 28th (at least on the east coast)...
28. Having a never-ending list of things to be thankful for

Life in the fast lane

2008-11-15T23:27:00.002-06:00

Word of the day:
FROWZY
Adj.: Dirty and untidy; slovenly; smelling bad; musty.

I love this word of the day. It doesn't particularly relate to anything, especially not anything in this post, but the word is just so much fun to say I thought I'd share. I suppose I could relate it to my day... I mentioned to Jocelyn whilst getting on the subway that the Union Square subway station smelled like a wet dog because of all the rain. There must have been a lot of frowzy people around.

In other news...

Holy inconsistent, Batman! I have not been good at posting lately... Lately being in the past few months. This summer was a rough time with the things going on in my family, and in rereading some of my most recent posts I'm realizing that I was questioning myself way too much. Someone I don't know very well told me recently that I seem to have a firm grasp on who I am and what I want out of life, and that this was a very attractive trait. Three or four months ago I wouldn't have believed it, but now I am absolutely certain that this gentleman was speaking sincerely, and that he was right on the mark. I am confident that at this point in my life, I know who I am and how I operate, and I know what I want out of life, at least in the near future. That doesn't mean I'm not constantly striving for self-improvement... It just means I'm aware of how I function (and what I need to do to function *well*), and how I tend to appear to others.

I've been out on dates with several different people in the past two months or so, and one thing has become quite clear to me: I will always be able to be myself and generally have a good time, regardless of who I'm with. I was out with a very nice guy last week who I was not really interested in, and I had a great time despite the fact that he was about as engaging as rocks. I was playing pool, having a beer, making someone laugh, and being myself. Of course I was having a good time. Sadly I think I'm too nice because I doubt I conveyed the fact that my good time was not at all a reflection of him or of the (lack of) connection between us. He asked me out again upon saying goodbye, and I panicked and said "sure." I'm not used to being pursued like I sort of have been lately, and I'm definitely not used to turning people down. When he emailed me a couple days later to set up another date, I was straight with him, but I wish I could've done that the first time. It's like anything else, I suppose -- there's got to be a learning curve for letting people down easy.

I'm thinking I need to take a break from dating for a while. It's exhausting! From now on, if someone wants to pursue me, he's more than welcome to, but I will be putting little to no effort into the search part of it. You hear that, gents? I'm looking for the real deal, not just something to try for now. I trust my instincts 100%. So far they've been spot on in terms of who I think might be worth my time. And now I'm looking for someone who will make it known that he's worth my time.

And now for something completely different...

(Please, somebody, get that reference.)

My new decision to make my life better and more fruitful is to stop pretending to try to get work done on weekends. Until a couple weeks ago, I'd allotted part of Saturday or Sunday every weekend to doing work. I generally would sit down to do it, but would then get nothing done. All that accomplished was a heaping pile of resentment toward myself for procrastinating so well, and a loss of several hours of good, quality weekend time. For the past two weekends I've conducted an experiment: Don't do any work and see if the week is manageable. Guess what -- success! Weekends are now officially for the cultivation of mental, social, and emotional well-being. Isn't that the way it should be?

There are so many other things to report, but I'll stop here for now. I'll start slow in my reintroduction to blogging. Maybe this time it'll stick. Cheers.

::Pulling out hair::

2008-10-07T20:44:00.002-05:00

Word of the day:
DONNYBROOK
Noun: A brawl; a free-for-all; a heated quarrel or dispute.

I CAN'T WATCH ANY MORE OF THESE FREAKING DEBATES!!! This is an awful, stressful, angering way to get to know the candidates. How can people actually *like* politics like this?

A tirade

2008-10-05T00:50:00.005-05:00

Word of the day:
FOP
Noun: A man who is overly concerned with or vain about his dress and appearance; a dandy.

BEVY
Noun: A group; an assembly or collection.

I decided there needed to be two "words of the day" today, for two main reasons. First is that it has been so incredibly long since I've posted anything, I thought a double-word-of-the-day entry was necessary. Secondly, these two words are both going to come in handy when I get to the primary purpose and content of this particular entry.

Tonight, I went to the worst bar I have ever been to in my entire life. This is not an exaggeration. It is also saying a lot, because I have been to many, many bars, and I generally like any bar I go to. But tonight was different.

I was at my friends Meghan and Cami's apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan and we were trying to find somewhere to watch the Brewers/Phillies NLDS game. Meghan looked online and found a couple sports bars in the area, all of which were around the same corner, so we headed over. The place we wanted to go to was called Blondies, I was quite excited because I've been to (and am in love with) the Blondies on the west side, so I knew we'd have a good time. However, when we got there, it was the end of the 3rd inning (and also 7:30 on a Saturday night) so the place was packed -- so much so that there was a huge line down the block just to get in. In hindsight, we probably should've just sucked it up and waited in the line, but my firm nightlife principle is this: if there is a line outside, it is either the kind of place that I would hate, or filled with the kind of people I would hate. (I was probably right -- it looked like all Phillies fans in line.) So instead of needlessly waiting in line to go to a packed bar, we went right next door to a decent-looking place that was jam-packed with TVs. We wondered vaguely why it was so empty when the place next door was so full, but I rationalized it by acknowledging how amazing Blondies truly is, especially if you factor in the buffalo wings. Of course everyone in the neighborhood would want to go there instead of anywhere else -- regardless of how great "anywhere else" might be.

Upon entering [said unnamed bar], we noticed that there was college football on all over, but no baseball. Meghan went up to the bar and shortly thereafter we were sitting at a table in the front, drinking beers, watching the Brewers hand the Phillies' asses to them. (Please allow the slight exaggeration.) About 5-10 minutes after we sat down, a bartender (not the one who turned the game on for us) changed the channel on the TV we were watching to a college football game that was already playing on numerous TVs right near us. I went up and pointed out that we were watching that particular TV, and the bartender informed me that it was College Football Saturday, so we'd have to go watch the baseball game on a TV a little further back. The asshole bartender wasn't even apologetic at all! I'm sorry, but what the hell kind of bar doesn't show a playoff baseball game in October? For that matter, what kind of barflies don't watch or even have the slightest vague interest in baseball in October?? (We should have taken a hint and left then and there.) We were certainly not happy to give up the only table in the bar (no exaggeration there -- the bar had no tables, except for a special kind, which I will get to in a bit) and move to a different part of the bar. We ended up on a little stage thing, leaning on a railing, then finding stools to steal and move up to this little private viewing area. Not 5 minutes later, the channel changed to yet another college football game. Once again, we were bumped to a different TV -- even further in the back. Annoyed but not completely surprised, we moved our stools once again and settled in for the rest of the game.

Allow me to describe the general aura of this bar. The barstools were all wobbly, with torn leather seats and God-knows-what all over some of them, and the sole high-top table lived up to the same standards. The entire place itself was dirty, especially the bathrooms, the stairs to which were almost as disgusting as the bathroom itself. The bartenders were not in the least bit knowledgeable about what beers they served, which was especially disheartening since the selection was pretty limited to begin with. All of this, however -- the nasty bathrooms, decrepit furniture, asshole employees -- was nothing compared to the clientele. I don't even know how to describe such a crowd. I think I'm going to have to provide anecdotes and individual observations as opposed to general descriptions, because I just don't know how to go about explaining how awful it was.

When we first moved onto the little stage area to watch on our second TV, a creepy guy (late 20s/early 30s?) was leaning against the railing on the opposite side and took to staring shamelessly at Meghan. This may not have been such a big deal if he'd been more than 6 inches from her, but he was not. Cami and I were leaning on the railing from one side, and creepy dude's face was practically resting on it from the other side, right in front of Meghan. When we moved down to our 3rd TV, he moved down as well and once again rested on the railing not 6 inches from her. At one point, he started leaning closer to her, and Cami and I thought he might start licking her arm or something equally wonderful.

Mr. Creepy eventually moved on to annoy other groups of people, and we were finally able to notice some of the other fine characters in the place. Further back from where we had been sloughed off to were 3 or 4 long tables, arranged parallel to each other, on each of which was being played a seemingly grueling game of beer pong. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a good game of beer pong. However, please allow me to elaborate on the individuals playing it. 85% of them were little boys dressed up in suits. The other 15% is being reserved for little boys *not* dressed up in suits, but in jeans and hoodies instead, as well as Mr. Creepy. Again, for the record, I have nothing against jeans and hoodies. I myself was wearing jeans and a hoodie. But once again, allow me to elaborate.

These assclowns were standing around playing beer pong in the back corner of a sports bar on a Saturday night. There were actually some women in the bar besides us, clearly receptive to being hit on (I'll get back to these women, give me just a minute to finish my current rant) and yet the little boys were playing their game in the back corner. Not only were they ignoring all the women in the bar, they were also ignoring every TV in the place. They could've been watching any college football game, as well as a playoff baseball game... or hitting on slutty women (or talking to us, the non-slutty women, but really that wasn't the plan)... but instead of doing these things -- any of which would prove they had testosterone running through their systems -- they were playing dress-up in daddy's suits, playing a game of beer pong. Did I mention they were all in their late 20s/early 30s? These weren't 21- or 22-year-olds just learning what it's like to go to a bar. And there were at least 20-25 of them! On a Saturday night in October, what are you doing at a sports bar if you don't want to (a) watch sports, or (b) talk to women?? Not only were these guys stupid, they were also jerks. They would continuously walk in between Meghan and I on the way to the bathroom, bumping into both of us and at one point pushing Meghan off her chair, even though there was plenty of room for them to walk past if they'd gone around us instead of crossing on the stage area. Meghan pointed this out to the douche who knocked her off her chair, and he claimed laziness as his excuse. Really? That's the best you can do, asshole?

Let's review: the men at this bar were not men but boys, because of their inability to function with other human beings, their lack of interest in sports (in OCTOBER, for goodness' sake!), and the fact that they didn't care to talk to any of the women in the bar. I shall now describe these women that graced the barstools at [said Godforsaken bar]. Some of them seemed normal enough (including but not limited to Meghan, Cami, and myself). A few were wearing sweatpants and hoodies or ensembles that looked like pajamas -- and I'm going to go ahead and assume they live in the neighborhood and just wanted to watch college football with their buddies. (Forgivable, but I still would never wear my pajamas to a bar on the upper east side...) The group of ladies (and I use that term loosely) that I have not yet described appalled us very much. They had on jeans or some other kind of pants that was not super slutty, but then rolled their shirts up and tucked them into their bras so they appeared to be wearing a cutoff shirt of some kind. It would be one thing if these girls were all together; it could've been a bachelorette party or something (although I pity any bachelorette whose friends would take her to such a place). No, these girls were sporadically spread throughout the bar, not acquainted with one another, just akin in their trashy style choices. It would have been forgivable if they had actually gone out and bought a cutoff shirt that showed their stomach as long as that was the intended purpose of the garment. But wearing a t-shirt and rolling it up and tucking it into your bra (quite obviously)?... Trashy, with a capital "T."

On the one hand, I can't believe I have talked this long about a bar, especially one that I couldn't stand. But I simply could not let this opportunity to share my misfortune go to waste. To summarize: you should keep a discerning eye when entering a bar on the upper east side: it may have a bevy of fops.

Here's the thing about life...

2008-08-15T02:01:00.008-05:00

Word of the day:
EGRESS
Noun: The act of going out or leaving; departure; an exit; an outlet.
Verb: To go out; to depart; to leave.

[I actually went back to the last day of July for this "word of the day," because I was in search of something I felt would be fitting.]

In trying to put all the pieces of the past few weeks together, I can't help but be in awe of how things have happened. I spent nearly every afternoon during my 3-week visit to Milwaukee at my grandparents' house, knowing that it would be the last quality time I'd share with my grandmother. I went back to New York a week ago. Tuesday night, I told my parents I needed to be back home in Milwaukee, that I couldn't sit in New York and wait for that phone call any longer. As soon as I got off the phone with them, after having arranged a flight for Thursday morning, I turned to my friend and said, "I have this feeling that it's going to happen then." Somehow I knew it would be today -- Someone was trying to tell me that I needed to be home on Thursday. Not just for my sake, so that I could be there when it happened, but for my family, for everybody in that house tonight. My cousin was supposed to fly back to New York today, but late last night he decided to cancel his flight. My dad was supposed to go on a business trip this past Sunday. He showed up to the airport to find out that his flight was canceled. He then postponed his trip entirely. It's uncanny how the whole situation has played out.

I can't help but think about how blessed we are during this time. We got to say goodbye. The family was together, proving continuously how strong the bonds are that we have to one another. And those who weren't able to be here the past month will be arriving within days.

My aunt and I put on a few mini concerts for my grandma over the course of the past month or so, and the first one had such a profound effect on me. After seeing her response, her physical reaction, knowing how much that musical experience meant to her -- there is no better affirmation that my career choice is the right one; that music education has an immensely important place in schools and in the lives of children, parents, teachers, etc.; and that music itself has a power that nothing else can rival.

I did end up getting my new tattoo, but instead of getting "LIVE LIFE" (written in English) as I had planned, I got the Hebrew character "chai," which means "life."

It was suggested to me by my uncle shortly before I had planned to get the tattoo, and once I thought about it I knew it was the right choice. It ties in that part of my family, and to me it will always signify what I'm feeling at this moment, what we've been through the past month (6 months, year and a half)... And it will always -- ALWAYS -- remind me of my grandma, and the loves of my life: this crazy family I'm fortunate enough to be a part of.

I am so thankful. Grandma, you look beautiful up there.

In the words of my soon-to-be new tattoo: LIVE LIFE

2008-07-22T00:07:00.004-05:00

Word of the day:
FIDUCIARY
Adj.: Relating to the holding of something in trust for another;
Noun: Someone who stands in a special relation of trust, confidence, or responsibility in certain obligations to others.

Things that I need to remember in the near future (and far future, but especially near future):

1. when it rains it pours, and that goes for both the good and the bad things in life
2. life tends to balance itself out to a natural order, whether or not I'm aware of *how* at the time
3. I am blessed in more ways than I could possibly imagine
4. every negative situation has its positive repercussions, whether they're hidden or in plain sight (i.e. the side effect of the current family health issues is that I get to see my out-of-town relatives and other family members a TON right now)
5. there is always something to be learned from every tough situation (about life, about myself, etc.)
6. my support system is large and widespread and incredibly steadfast (refer back to #3)

***7. LIFE IS GOOD***

I'm in Milwaukee for a couple weeks, call if you are around and want to get together.

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same." -Keane

2008-07-05T14:00:00.007-05:00

Word of the day:
COCKAIGNE
Noun: An imaginary land of ease and luxury.

I feel like a tool for quoting Keane in the subject line of this post, but you'll forgive me. Sometimes a kitchy pop song is needed.

Week one of my summer class is over, although it doesn't quite feel like it yet. The class (actually 6 classes in one) is really great, which is a relief since it's costing me so much money. It would be quite unfortunate if I paid a ton of money for the class and ended up hating it. Luckily that is not the case. I'm learning so much every minute, and it is all useful, necessary learning. The homework I have is not busywork, but reading and planning that are/will be essential to my curriculum next year. All in all, I'm very pleased with the course.

One of the greatest things about taking this course has nothing whatsoever to do with the class itself. I am once again an active student at NYU, so I get to use the gym for free. HURRAY! I've been running and lifting again, and I plan to do so every day during the course. Hopefully my parents will still have their YMCA membership so I can continue when I go home... And then when I get back to NYC in August I'll still be able to use the NYU gym until the school year starts. At that point I guess I'll actually have to join a gym, but hopefully I will be on a roll with my workout plan so I won't feel like I'm wasting my money. (Meaning, I hope I will actually continue to go...)

Sarah and I spent the entire morning cleaning our apartment -- mostly the bathroom and the kitchen. And boy did they need it! Later today or tomorrow I'll finish cleaning my room and doing my laundry, and then I will feel much less cluttered. I find that when my apartment is cluttered, my life and my mind feel cluttered. Once I've cleaned and straightened up, I feel much more collected. And finally (finally!) my new piano is getting tuned tomorrow morning. I can't wait to be able to play it.

So I'm getting more comfortable with my education, my career, myself... All of these things are positive right now, I think. As for my personal life... That always seems to be a rough spot for me. Even when it gets "sorted," it doesn't stay that way for long. But at this point, I'm more concerned with getting my SELF-life in order than my personal life. Although every time I have that thought, when I really and truly try to focus on myself and my own individual needs, that's when something (someone) happens. The ups and downs of the past few months have been interesting, to say the least. Possibly the most important ups and downs (of this nature) that I've ever experienced. This may not make any sense to anyone but myself, but that's just fine. It's helped me to figure out what I need to do for myself, in order to get to where I want to be. It would certainly be nice if someone could be in it with me, but at this point I don't know how feasible that would be.

I've realized something very peculiar lately. I have never had a relationship that didn't involve distance. That's not my realization -- I've known that for quite some time. And every time a distance relationship ends, I swear off distance relationships. Clearly that's not the way my life is going to work. My monumental realization is that long-distance relationships don't bother me. They actually make a lot of sense to me. And I've realized that this may be because that's the model I've grown up with. Since I was about 10 years old, my dad has traveled probably 40-45 weeks out of every year. Gone during the week, home on weekends. The relationship he and my mom have is probably the strongest, most secure relationship I've ever seen. I don't know how, but somehow they've made it work. So with that for a model, of course long-distance relationships make sense to me. There's also the fact that for the past 5 years, many of the most important people in my life (Mom/Dad, Jen, Matthew, Ginny, Lindsey, Sarah, now Lauren) have been long-distance relationships for me. I see them every couple months, and we're still just as close as ever. Even my roommate, whom I love, I don't see every day. Maybe twice a week, three times if we're lucky. So maybe I'm not cut out for the kind of relationship where you see the person every day. I have a feeling that might drive me crazy. At this point in my life I think I've developed an independence that I'm not ready to give up. My unwillingness to give up my complete independence might not even be a conscious decision. I think it's just the way I have subconsciously adapted to my lifestyle. Of course, there's a 99% chance it's also developed even further because of relationship letdowns in the past -- having to protect myself from the inside. But as much as I might like to attribute this (possibly unhealthy) clinging to independence to the men who have screwed me over in the past few years, I'm starting to think that's not really all there is to it.

The conclusion I have come to at this point is that I am not ready for the kind of relationship that involves the giving over of myself to the needs of somebody else. Even if that somebody is wonderful and smart and considerate and driven and hilarious and adorable and good to me and all those good things (which he is). I think the only kind of relationship I could have right now is a very free-flowing, relaxed, low-commitment partnership. The kind in which both parties are free to pursue their own lives and don't have to worry about how much time they spend together or on the phone, but know that there isn't anyone else that the other person is seeing, and that they can always turn to that person for guidance, support, and just plain old conversation (whether it's silly banter or important talk). And that's asking a lot: not being in a "relationship" but not dating someone else; not being able to see each other on an extremely regular basis; having to be alone quite often when all you want to do is sleep next to the person. But, as crazy as it sounds, that seems so perfect to me. Maybe I'm the only one.

Enlightened baseball announcers?

2008-06-17T21:44:00.003-05:00

Word of the day:
DILATORY
Adj.: Tending to put off what ought to be done at once; given to procrastination.

The word of the day today isn't particularly relevant to this post, but it is extremely relevant to my life in general, so I thought it was worthy of being featured.

The most exciting news I have may only be exciting to me, but I will share it anyway. On Saturday morning, I am getting a piano. A real one. It's not particularly pretty to look at, and it is in desperate need of tuning (which it will get once it is in place on Saturday)... But I cannot even contain my excitement. I have had a 76-key partially weighted keyboard for 5 years. I will now finally be able to play a real piano without having to stay late at school or travel to a stinky NYU practice room (with my expired NYU ID card). I also officially have 3 piano students that I'm going to be teaching out of my apartment. This seems like a small step, but it is an extremely significant one towards getting my life really in order. I feel so much more settled and collected already, just knowing that there will be a piano in my apartment. (Ridiculous? Perhaps...)

In other news...

As I was watching the Milwaukee Brewer game tonight (which they won, 7-0, amazing game) I heard an announcer say something incredibly profound. While he was talking, I was having a hard time believing that I was listening to a baseball announcer. He said the following (slightly paraphrased):

"Pitching coaches and hitting coaches don't really pay attention to things like batting average and ERA... They go deeper. They keep a record on every pitch, every swing, they know exactly what progress their players are making every moment of every game. For them, it's not the end result that they care about, it's the process. The process contributes to the end result, obviously, but the result isn't what they're watching."

This is EXACTLY my teaching philosophy. Change "players" to "students" and "coaches" to "educators" and there you have it. If only everyone involved in education (teachers, administrators, policy makers, politicians) could be as smart as a baseball announcer...

In keeping with my word of the day, I shall now go to bed, only an hour after I'd planned. Of course, I can always procrastinate later...

re-re-re-re-re-relationships...

2008-06-08T09:03:00.003-05:00

Word of the day:
LACHRYMOSE
Adj.: Generating or shedding tears; given to shedding tears; suffused with tears; tearful.

Relationships are hard.

I feel like a broken record.

PS...

2008-04-07T22:36:00.004-05:00

Tied with my lease-signing for Most Important Event of the Day: the line-up for Lollapalooza 2008 came out today. When I read the list, I couldn't contain my excitement. My roommate was lucky she wasn't home, because my celebratory shouts would've disturbed her from whatever she was doing had she been here. In fact, I really hope none of my neighbors were home, either...

As I had ventured to guess (and had hoped with all of my might), Radiohead will be headlining the event, along with kickass performances from such bands as Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Wilco, the Raconteurs, Broken Social Scene, Cat Power, the Black Keys, Gnarls Barkley, Flogging Molly, Rogue Wave, and dozens of other bands that I can't wait to see. If you're not going, you should really think about making the trip. This will be the third year in a row that I will have the good fortune to attend the 3-day festival of sonic bliss, and it has the makings of being the best. If the Foo Fighters were somehow magically added to the guest list, I think it would be safe to call it perfection.

I guess I'm a Queens girl now...

2008-04-07T21:11:00.005-05:00

Word of the day:
DEUS EX MACHINA
Noun: In ancient Greek and Roman drama, a god introduced by means of a crane to unravel and resolve the plot; any active agent who appears unexpectedly to solve an apparently insoluble difficulty.

It seems unreal that more than 2 months have gone by since I started my new teaching job. In those 2 months, there have naturally been many ups and downs -- about an equal amount of ups and downs, but certainly very little static middle-of-the-road time. As I told a friend recently: the first year of teaching is like a constant mood swing. Within the span of one day at work (from roughly 7:30am to 3:30pm), I might go from loving my job, to wishing I had a desk job, to wishing I had a teaching job at a different school, to wanting to stay at my job forever... and back and forth a few more times. My day-ending feeling is always a crapshoot, but one I've grown accustomed to at this point.

There will be another post forthcoming in the near(ish) future, but the most important news I have is that I signed a lease on a new apartment today. My former roommate Sarah (from junior/senior years of college) and I are moving to a gorgeous/palatial 3rd floor walk-up apartment in Astoria (Queens). Before we saw this apartment on Saturday evening, we had seen 7 or 8 others in the 2 weeks prior, and were starting to get a bit weary with the whole apartment-hunting process. In a stroke of genius, Sarah contacted the broker's office that helped her find her current apartment a year ago, and they certainly delivered. [They were our deus ex machina... which is such an appropriate term to use to describe them, because they're very Greek.]

If you're unfamiliar with the area, I'd recommend checking out this profile about the neighborhood -- and pay special attention to the section entitled "Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden: An Urban Oasis in Astoria, Queens." (This makes the Milwaukeean in me quite content.) There's also a pretty good article from the NY Times Real Estate section (albeit a couple years old), in case you're so inclined.

Final piece of news: I managed to get myself approved to go to the annual conference for the National Association of Music Educators (which happens to be in Milwaukee) -- and make use of paid professional development days. I'm glad I live in a world in which I can go home to see my family and friends and get paid for it.

Stay tuned for another update in the near future... No really, I promise this time...

We're not in private school anymore, Toto...

2008-02-04T21:52:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
PERQUISITE
Noun: A profit or benefit in addition to a salary or wages.
[*Not* prerequisite, which is how I initially read it.]

Well, day one went off without too much of a hitch. Let's just say I came out alive.

In all seriousness, there are things I am definitely going to love about this new position, and things I wish were different. I found out from another teacher that Mondays are my hardest days schedule-wise, which is kind of nice to know after getting through today. I was terrified to go into my 2 special ed classes, especially since one of them is bilingual special ed, but I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that there were only a handful of kids in the room and their musical desire is endless. These classes are going to be excellent outlets for putting my music therapy training (which is sadly much less developed than I would like it to be) to use. I had so many ideas zooming through my brain all day long; it has already been incredibly refreshing to be able to put so much thought into my work. Although that might seem crazy, it's true. For the past several months, I've been doing a ton of work, but not much thinking. Now I'm doing a lot of thinking, and nowhere near as much work. It's an excellent trade-off, if you ask me.

Now all I have to do is fill out all of my insurance forms, tax forms, IRA forms, and all kinds of other nonsense involved in joining the teacher's union, and I'll be set!

"Finally!" Part II

2008-01-28T22:09:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
NEOPHYTE
Noun: A new convert or proselyte; a novice; a beginner in anything.

The most wonderful piece of mail was waiting for me at home today: my teaching certificate. Finally. At last. After months and months of running around in circles and jumping through hoops, calling many different state and city offices, emailing countless people, faxing my SSN all over the place (kind of a scary thing), all of this hoopla is coming to a fruitful conclusion. And the timing couldn't be better, since I'm supposed to start my new job on Friday.

I can't help feeling that today's word of the day is awfully appropriate...

Finally!

2008-01-23T22:31:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
EFFUSIVE
Adj.: Excessively demonstrative; giving or involving extravagant or excessive emotional expression.

I got the job! As long as all of my certification papers go through (and I have been assured by an HR higher-up in the Queens office that they will), I'll be able to start my new job on February 1st. That's next Friday. Just over a week from now. The day after I finish at my current job. Yikes. That is somewhat terrifying -- but mostly exciting! I'm so glad to finally have this employment situation figured out... There's much planning to be done, but that's the kind of stress I can handle.

(I hope I haven't been too effusive about this...)

I've become such a terrible blogger...

2008-01-11T23:44:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
ZEITGEIST
Noun: The spirit of the time; the general intellectual and moral state or temper characteristic of any period of time.

It has been ages since my last update, and this is partially due to the fact that the one thing I really want to report on (a J-O-B) is the one thing that is completely up in the air. Well no, I guess that's a lie... It is no longer the only thing that is incredibly undecided in my life. There's also the issue of having to once again find an apartment...

Let me start over.

This upcoming Tuesday afternoon, I am teaching a demonstration lesson at P.S. 7 in Queens -- a large public elementary school where there is a possibility of a Kindergarten/1st grade music teacher position for me. It's been almost 2 months since I first interviewed there and they still seem excited about me, so I guess that's a good sign. The problem is this: I don't know if I want to work there, or if I just really really want a job. I do know that I can't make the same mistake twice -- taking a job simply because it is offered to me and I really need it. That is how I ended up in my current position, which has not been terrible, but certainly has not been ideal either. In any case, Tuesday will be an interesting day... There is also the possibility of a maternity leave replacement position, K-5, at a progressive public school in East Harlem. If for some reason the other school doesn't want me, or if I don't want them, it's nice to have at least a chance of a back-up.

I have an audition on Sunday afternoon for a summer opera program here in the city, which would be incredibly fun and very educational -- although it would definitely break the bank. Maybe I just won't get in this year, and then I won't have to worry about having to come up with the money for it. Then I could get a summer job instead. Oh dear.

Moving right along... My roommate informed me the other day that her sister is moving to the city in mid to late May, and they will be moving to Manhattan together. So now on top of the job search, I am starting to think about apartment hunting. I do have a roommate, however (my former roommate Sarah), and a target neighborhood (Astoria, Queens), so that's a good start.

All in all, I'm actually okay with all the uncertainty. I realized recently that I was expecting everything (job, apartment, relationship, future plans) to be so cut and dry, so well-oiled... and that's not how life works. I know that many (most?) of the "realizations" I've had over the past few months may seem like common sense, but for some reason I just didn't get it. In college, nothing is really that open-ended. You eventually figure out what major you want, what classes you'll take, what part-time job you'll have... And I guess I thought that after college I'd find a job and an apartment and not have to worry about either for a while. Maybe some people are lucky enough to have it work out that way, but I'm no longer holding my breath for that. I'm settling into the acceptance of uncertainty -- and that can be my Zeitgeist.

Holiday Wishes

2007-12-25T01:10:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
AMITY
Noun: Friendship, friendly relations.

Wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas and a happy, safe, and healthy New Year!

I hope you're in it for the long haul...

2007-11-20T19:36:00.000-06:00

Word of the day:
FLANEUR
Noun: One who strolls about aimlessly.

[I should start calling it "word of the month" or "word of the fortnight" or something else more appropriate, since it seems I am unable to update my blog more than once every 2 weeks... but neither of those have the same clichéd ring to them as does "word of the day." So I won't.]

Things no one ever tells you as you reach the end of your "childhood" (whatever that may be):
1. Life after college will be hard. (Yes, they say that, but they don't make sure you really believe them.)
2. You might get more homesick as a "grown-up" than you were at any point in college.
3. Having a relationship (or anything like one) and a career and enough money to pay the bills and a passable level of sanity is not as easy as you think it should be. (Again, see the addendum to #1.)
4. Roommates and close friends become your surrogate family -- and you're blessed if they act like it.
5. Insurance is ~~important~~ imperative.
6. When things are hard, focusing on the frustrations -- or simply the fact that you are frustrated -- will make it near impossible to rise above. So don't be so hard on yourself. You'll live.
7. Having a social life really is all it's cracked up to be.
8. You will feel very old very quickly. A 10pm bedtime will not be merely a smart choice, but a necessity. Take advantage of your weekends.

Maybe you haven't had the same realizations (or perhaps I should call them grudging admissions) as I have. Then again, maybe you have. Regardless, it has been an interesting few months. My feelings about teaching have changed just about every 12 seconds, as have my plans for the future. Of course, by "future" I mean the next year or so of my life; I haven't given the first modicum of thought to anything past oh, say, June 2009. (I know that June 2009 seems awfully far off, but in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't, is it?)

Recent near-future life-plan-changing thoughts have included: (1) interviewing for a full-time teaching position for next semester, even though I'd originally planned on specifically not doing so; (2) deciding not to apply for grad school quite yet, though my plans even two weeks ago included that very activity; (3) generally reducing the amount of frustration I come away with after a full day of teaching.

To explain the above 180-degree changes:

(1) The 1st-4th grade music teacher at my school was out one day, and I subbed for her chorus. From the first minute to the last, I realized how much I miss working with younger kids. I have an interview tomorrow (eek) for a K-3 school in Queens for next semester. Kindergarten to 3rd grade? Sounds perfect to me. Don't know why I thought I didn't want to do it.

(2) The music teacher who handles Pre-K and Kindergarten at my school, with whom I student-taught last spring -- a woman that has become something of a mentor for me -- meekly asked if she could give me her opinion about my going to grad school next fall. Her advice, in short, was: don't. She said she is seeing me grow a lot as a teacher, and equated that growth to feeding a plant plant-food. When you water a plant every day, it grows, but not noticeably. When you give it plant-food every now and again, it immediately grows very quickly. She said that teaching is my plant food, and if I go to grad school right away, I'll become an academic again (just being watered, if you're still with me in this metaphor), and that rapid growth will all but come to an end. Fair point, I guess. I was swayed but not completely convinced, but then: If I teach for a few years and then go to grad school, I'll have real experience on which to base my graduate studies. I won't learn simply in theory; I can take my own practical, hands-on, real-live-teacher teaching experience and use that as the fodder for my studies. Okay, game over. Case closed. No grad school next year it is.

(3) This one is quite simple: By focusing on the fact that I was constantly frustrated in my teaching, I was only able to see the frustrations. There was no way I could get past any of it and create meaningful educational experiences for anyone -- neither for the students nor for myself. Once I decided to just forget about being frustrated and do what I can with what I have, it all came so much more easily. Anecdotal example: My toughest class of the week is a 5th grade class that I have on Fridays at 1:30. I dread this class every week. It's my last class of the week, and it is sheer torture. Four of my five most difficult students are in this class. I spend more time trying to figure out how to reach these kids than I do for most of my other classes combined. Last Friday, I was in a great mood all day. Each class I taught elevated my energy level and gave me more reasons to be cheerful. By the time 1:30 rolled around, I was in what a colleague and I call "Fabulous Friday" mode. When this dastardly class came in, I told them, with plenty of energy and excitement, that I was in a terrific mood, and that it had thus far been a Fabulous Friday. "You were all pretty close to fabulous in piano class on Wednesday, so I bet you can keep up this Fabulous Friday-ness." Then came the inevitable ensuing comments: "We couldn't have been fabulous on Wednesday... we must've been Wonderful!" "What would we be on a Tuesday?" "Terrific!" "No, Tremendous!" "How about a Monday?" and so on... My point in saying all of this is that, throughout the majority of the period, they were Fabulous. With a capital "F." This really shouldn't have been so hard for me to figure out: Set forth the expectation that they will be obnoxious, and they will be obnoxious. Set forth the expectation that they will be Fabulous, and they will be Fabulous.

Lesson learned (or rather, lesson that Someone took and beat me over the head with): Expectations are everything. Set them where you want them, and you won't be disappointed.

Too syrupy and cliché for you? Sorry, can't help you there. (I also apologize for using the word "cliché" twice -- now three times -- in one entry. A bit ironic in itself, no?)

Maybe I'll actually have the time to write another post in the near future, as opposed to two or three weeks from now. That's a little misleading... It's not that I haven't had the time to write. I certainly have. It's the desire that's been missing. There were a few months (as in, the past 2-3) when I didn't really feel much like talking to anyone or thinking too hard about anything, because the only thing I felt I had to think or talk about was teaching, and that was far too frustrating. So instead, I watched TV, I read, I walked around in the city... Essentially I was a flaneur. [Must pause for a sidebar: The word flaneur is quite possibly one of my favorite French words. Its meaning and true essence are all but lost in English. A flaneur in the purest sense is not just someone who wanders aimlessly, but a person who walks without a specific purpose or destination in mind, admiring the beauty around him and contemplating anything worth contemplating. Even that is a half-assed definition. But maybe you get my point.]

What was I saying?

I think that's as clear a sign as any that I should stop this word-vomit. It's also a sign that I've been reading too much Lester Bangs in the past few days... But that's another story for another time. Peace out.

Indiscriminate verbiage

2007-10-29T22:51:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
TERMINUS
Noun: The finishing point; the end.

It's been quite a while since my last post, but I'm absolutely at the terminus of my stay-awake-power, so there will be no exciting, news-filled post. Instead, I will briefly share my incredible joy at the Packers' win tonight. I stayed up an hour and a half longer than I should have, only to watch the Broncos tie the game in the last 2 seconds. I left the room at the commercial to go clean off my bed and decide if I should stay up to watch the overtime play... Suddenly I heard my roommate in the other room: "Ooh! Ooh! Kristin!" Within half a minute, Brett Favre (my hero) had thrown a Hail Mary-style touchdown pass -- the 2nd longest overtime touchdown pass in NFL history -- to win the game for the Packers. Luckily I got to watch it 3 times in instant replays, so it's almost as if I didn't miss a thing by leaving the room. Now I can sleep happily.

But before I do...

I was looking through a list of quotes I've amassed over time -- quotes from friends that strike me as either funny, ridiculous, or just poignant enough to save and recycle later. Enjoy.

PS - People who harass me for not updating my blog often enough should really start giving me some motivation to update... such as, oh I don't know... a comment? ::Ahem::

---

smart quotes from my smart friends~

rob: so i ran into a hooker on the way home tonight. had a slightly awkward convo.

kyle: well i'm even here in nyc, working in tv production, and i'm bored. i just love music and acting. i'm a retard. i should have just been a waiter.

adam: there's a little bit of elvish in everyone.
lauren: ...Jesus was an elf?

jeannie: that's what life is, you just make up crap.

justin: people take life too seriously, kristin.

rob [to me]: you've always been chill, more like a dude.

adam [talking to a monstrous SUV]: why don't you go to iraq and buy your own gas... with your life!

jeannie: life can get crazy, sometimes you need a little dancebreak.

ginny: I AM ARRHYTHMIA!

ginny: bitchland... i sail there often. and i return with great retorts.

terry: well i hope my subconscious had fun... because i sure don't remember it.

terry: let's go to ma fischer's and emotionally eat.

lauren: i sometimes have random italian problems and i need to wrap cheese in meat to feel like a human again.

lauren's fortune cookie: when you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.

meghan: i want a relationship. i want to get married and have babies and go to pta meetings and not work... and make school lunches.

adam: i could use a good punch in the face. and then a nap.

adam (while standing atop a cliff, enjoying the view): man, there's nothing that impresses me more. [long pause] because i'm a man. and i like big things.

chris: people have different builds. there are type "A" and type "B" people... see, i'm type "pansy."

chris [to sarah]: wait, you're an irish, german, mexican texan? you're like the best omelet ever!

adam: you know, you should really find a healthy relationship.
me: yeah thanks, i'll get on that.

adam: music ed... it's like fly paper for all the weirdos.

evan: i would definitely be a sith if i were a jedi. i would totally use that shit for evil.

evan: there really is no situation that would not be made better by having r2d2 around.
sarah: he's like a swiss army knife!

evan: did you know you can buy a mig29 on the internet? [pause] you could get so much ass with that!

sarah: he was the first person to tell me that my name spelled backwards is "haras"
evan: that touchés my life

Fear is a four-letter word

2007-10-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
DISTRAIT
Adj.: Divided or withdrawn in attention, especially because of anxiety.

Everyone says that the first year of teaching is hard, I know that. They also say that it's a constant up-and-down; that there are good days and there are bad days; that when it's good, it's really good, and when it's bad, it's miserable. Well, whoever "they" are, they're right about half of it. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be having a mix of bad and good days, but rather a mix of bad and okay days. I just don't know if this is what I really want to be doing right now. Who knows, maybe if I were teaching high school instead of middle school, or if I had a permanent job as opposed to a one-semester replacement position... maybe I'd be more amenable to the situation. As it stands, though, my confidence in my decision to teach right after finishing college is waning.

I think I'm just afraid to admit that I want to do what I want to do, because I'm terrified that I'll fail. I want to go to grad school for vocal performance and/or vocal pedagogy. There, I said it. Now I guess I just need to suck it up and get started on my grad school applications.

Quick update...

2007-09-27T21:49:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
PRONUNCIAMENTO
Noun: A proclamation or manifesto; a formal announcement or declaration; a pronouncement.

My third week of teaching is coming to an end, and I am completely drained -- mentally, emotionally, and physically. It has been a nonstop roller coaster. Some days are okay, some days are amazing, some days are terrible, some days are a fascinating combination of all three... There are times when I fantasize about working in an office (a job where I could show up at 9, leave at 5, and not take my work home with me), but there are also times when I feel like I'm in exactly the right place, doing exactly what I should be doing at this point in my life. It's rather confusing. I'm also in the middle of applying for grad school (in 3 or 4 completely different programs of study), and trying to decide if I really do want to go back to school next fall or if I want to wait a little longer... So many hugely important decisions... I'm doing my best to just go with whatever happens -- we'll see how it goes.

Unfortunately, it almost seems as though my sister's wedding got lost amidst the madness that has been the beginning of my first year of teaching. It was an amazing and wonderful event, and I took more pictures than would probably be considered healthy. I'll let them speak for themselves.

Ready for love teaching

2007-09-05T22:40:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
MAUDLIN
Adj.: Tearfully or excessively sentimental.

I'm all packed and ready to go for my 9am flight back to Wisconsin for my sister's wedding. People were asking me all day if I was excited, and said yes most of the time, even though I didn't feel much excitement. I think it's because we've been planning this wedding for a year and a half, and now that it's finally here, it just doesn't seem real. I think it'll seem real once we get to the rehearsal. That's when it'll sink in and I'll get all jittery and nervous and anxious and... well, mostly excited.

Before this afternoon/evening, I have been trying to forget about the wedding altogether. This week was prep week at school, and being a first-year teacher, I needed to focus completely on getting my classroom ready and planning my curriculum and whatnot. Tuesday I was completely stressed out, from the beginning of the day until the bitter end. I left school just before 5, even though I still had things I wanted to accomplish that day, mostly because I just couldn't be in that room anymore. It was too stressful. I had a very maudlin phone conversation with my mother about whether or not I would be ready to teach by Monday. I was not in good shape.

Today was a different story. The day started with a really great faculty meeting, which helped me to ground myself in the philosophies of the school and the other teachers... and things just kept getting better and more productive as the day wore on. I ended up staying in my classroom until 7:30 tonight, after getting there before 9am, but it was time well spent. [Anyone who thinks that teachers have it easy because our "day" ends at 3:00, come see me after school. Oh man, bad joke.] Regardless... I now feel ready. I never thought I'd actually be ready to teach. But I think I am.

"Back to shkool, back to shkool"

2007-09-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
ATELIER
Noun: A workshop; a studio.

I am completely stressed out and nervous. This is a somewhat foreign feeling for me. I am just starting my first teaching job, and it is wreaking havoc on my insides. Thursday's New Faculty Orientation left me with jumbled nerves and a sense of panic that I am not used to. After orientation, I came home to an email from the head of my undergrad program at NYU, sent to all of us first-year teachers, assuring us that we are all "prepared" for this year, and that we can take on this new challenge as we have previously faced each new challenge... Her supportive words were timed perfectly, but my anxiety continues to gnaw at me. I think this is a situation in which I must simply face the challenge head-on, start the school year, possibly fall flat on my face, and then just keep on going, learning and adapting constantly as I go.

Some days, I wish I worked in an office. Other days, I can't imagine doing anything besides teaching. But regardless... most days I'm stressed. Until school starts, I will be working in my atelier on my curriculum. The first day of school is September 10th, at which point I could use as many prayers and happy thoughts as you can spare.

Home Sweet Brooklyn :)

2007-08-29T00:51:00.001-05:00

Word of the day:
PUKKA
Adj.: Authentic, genuine; first-class.

Well, after 16 hours in a Uhaul truck and three days of unpacking, cleaning, and organizing... I can finally say that I live in Brooklyn. Here are a few select photos of the apartment (and the roommate), now that the place is presentable:

In an effort to break up the monotony of unpacking, I went for a bike ride yesterday with my friend Adam. (Since I was driving halfway across the country in a Uhaul truck, I decided that my bike would move with me from Milwaukee -- which, I have decided, was a terrific decision.) Adam suggested that we ride down to Coney Island, since it had cooled off to a mere 82 degrees, from the 95 it had been the previous few days. I wasn't sure exactly how far Coney Island was by bicycle, having only been there via subway, but I was happy for the excuse to get away from all the boxes plaguing my apartment. There is a bike path directly from my apartment to Coney Island, and the entire route is straight and flat and very biker-friendly. We were in no rush to get anywhere, so we rode at a nice leisurely pace and chatted along the way. Even at our slow speed, it took us less than an hour to get there. We ended up at Brighton Beach, which was absolutely perfect. The weather was great, the beach wasn't too crowded... We locked up our bikes, took off our shoes, ran across the hot sand, and waded into the ocean. It was wonderful. Here are a few of the photos I took during the hour or so we spent on the beach:

In other news, my sister is getting married next Saturday. I have my dress, my shoes, my hair appointment, my round-trip plane ticket... I suppose I should order their gift and start working on my toast... Those might be important things to get done before the wedding. I'm a little nervous about the weekend, because the wedding is on the 8th, I fly back to NY on the 9th, and I start teaching on the 10th... But I'm sure it'll be fine. If my flight is canceled, you will see me driving a rental car from Milwaukee to Brooklyn. At least I now know the quickest route! Hopefully that won't have to happen though.

Once I'm back from the wedding, life will -- with any luck -- settle into some semblance of normality. As I said to a friend last night (slightly inebriated): "For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I'm in life." I'm not counting down the days until I move on to the next thing; I'm not dreading packing up and moving to the next place; I'm right where I am supposed to be and I have a sense of permanence that I've never felt before. All I need now is my New York driver's license, which I will have very soon, and I will be a pukka New Yorker. (That's just a really odd word...)

Today's entry is brought to you by the word FUTILITY

2007-08-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

[I am replacing today's Word of the day with an Overheard in New York Quote of the day. Enjoy.]

Title: Julio, Your Mother and I Have Asked You Repeatedly to Make All Local Stops
Little brother, running up street: Look at me -- I'm the 4 train!
Older brother, running next to him: Look at me -- I'm the 6 train!
Little brother: Stop running faster than me!
Older brother: Nuh-uh.
Little brother: Dad! Julio didn't stop at 33rd Street!

I may be the only person in the world who finds that funny, but I laughed really hard when I read it.

But speaking of Overheard in New York... Am I the only person who wishes they would put the title underneath the entry, rather than the other way around? It's like hearing the punchline of a joke, and then hearing the joke afterwards. For example:

Punchline: The two of them argued back and forth for about 15 minutes, and then a train ran them over.
Joke: Two blondes were walking in the forest one day, when they found some tracks on the ground. The first blonde said, "I know what kind of tracks those are. Those are deer tracks." The second blonde shook her head and said, "No, those are elk tracks." The first blonde said, "No, my daddy showed me those kind of tracks before, and those are deer tracks." Then the second blonde said, "Well, MY daddy showed my these same exact kind of tracks, and I'm sure these are elk tracks."

Once you've read the punchline, the joke is pretty much ruined. The entire time you're reading about the two blondes and their argument, you're thinking, "I know how this is going to end, it's going to be a joke about blondes not being able to tell the difference between animal tracks and train tracks." A funny joke, yes, but completely worthless and devoid of humor if the punchline comes first.

Aren't you glad you read this today?

Vacation Recap

2007-08-09T16:17:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
DIAPHANOUS
Adj.: Of such fine texture as to allow light to pass through; translucent or transparent; vague; insubstantial.

Today's post will take you on a brief tour of my travels from July 27th to August 6th. I started in Boston, with a quick side trip to Foxwoods in Connecticut for my dear friend Lauren's birthday. From there I flew to California to visit my sister Jen and her fiance Aaron, who live in Ventura (~60 miles from LA), and my aunt Julie, who lives in Pasadena. During my 5 days in California, Julie and I took a little trip to San Diego for 2 days to go to the zoo and Sea World. (After a day at each park, our skin was no longer diaphanous. Talk about a bad sunburn!) From California I flew to Chicago to meet up with some friends for Lollapalooza. I probably took over 250 pictures during the entire span of time, so here's a very small selection.

The gang at Foxwoods

Aaron, Jen, and Julie

Bridal shower/dinner

My ridiculous sister

On the Friends set at Warner Bros. Studios

Julie and I

Shamu!

Johnny Depp's handprints!

Lollapalooza in downtown Chicago

Terry and I at Lollapalooza

Back to Reality

2007-08-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
WAYWORN
Adj.: Wearied by traveling.

After an 11-day-long vacation, it's very sad to be back to the daily grind. Although I have to admit it's awfully ridiculous how much I missed the internet. It has much too strong of a hold over my life, I'm sad to say. (It was also a pain to come back to 11 days of email on my 3 different email addresses -- I now finally understand why my mother would always bring work with her on our vacations instead of leaving it all for when we got back.)

I've been wondering all summer long when I would start stressing out about my teaching job and the amount of curriculum I have to learn and plan before September 10th. The answer to that question is "August 6th." It all hit me yesterday. In just over a month, I will be teaching. Yikes.

I'll post a sampling of pictures from my travels in the near future.

Kodachrome

2007-07-25T10:46:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
PHANTASMAGORIA
Noun: A shifting series or succession of things seen or imagined, as in a dream; any constantly changing scene.

I'm starting to think that anyone who has a newer digital camera could be a professional photographer. Ever since I got my camera (happy birthday/graduation to me, from myself), I've been snapping pictures constantly. Whenever I see anything that looks remotely photographable, I bust out my camera. I was outside my friend's apartment on the East Side of Milwaukee one night and the sunset was really red and purple, so I took a picture of it -- with a gas station, a couple bars, and some traffic in the shot. Somehow, even that turned out to be gorgeous. Am I a gifted photographer, or is my camera doing all the work? Does the fact that I chose to shoot these particular scenes make me an artist, or is it just dumb luck? I honestly have no idea, but I love the pictures. Here are some samples; let me know what you think.

Sunset at the corner of Prospect and Kenilworth, Milwaukee:

Copy of Michelangelo's David at Milwaukee's Festa Italiana:

2 shots of Lake Michigan and downtown Milwaukee, from the Summerfest grounds during Festa:

Did you enjoy that phantasmagoria?

Nursing my addiction

2007-07-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
BIBELOT
Noun: A small decorative object without practical utility; a trinket.

I have to take this entry -- my first in several days -- and devote it 100% to the Milwaukee Brewers. Sadly last night's game ended the most recent winning streak, but that streak was still pretty impressive. It tied us with the Yankees for the longest winning streak so far this year (4 games). Last night seems to have been merely a hiccup, though. There's pure magic going on at Miller Park as I write this.

[Speaking of Miller Park, here is a lovely photo I took of the outside of the park before Saturday's game]

[Here are 2 other shots of Saturday's game]

[We now resume our regularly scheduled rambling]

Every Brewer except the starting pitcher (Gallardo) has been on base at least once today -- including relief pitcher Matt Wise -- and most have been on multiple times. It is 10-1 in the top of the 8th inning, and we haven't even had to rely on homers to get there. Although several of those 10 runs have been the result of a long ball, the bats have simply been on fire with singles and doubles galore. I wish I could be watching the game right now, instead of tracking it on mlb.com's GameDay (although GameDay is a brilliant invention). This is one of those games that exemplifies all the reasons that I love baseball -- and the Brewers. It also makes me look forward to tomorrow's game even more than I was before. I love going to Friday night games... mostly because of the bobble-head. :) I'll be getting this puppy tomorrow night:

He'll be the third in my collection of Brewers bibelots. (Gotta love that word of the day.)

Movin' Out

2007-07-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
FRUCTUOUS
Adj.: Fruitful, productive.

The word for today is very appropriate, considering the day I had yesterday. I spent most of the day and night (until just about midnight) running around town acquiring apartment necessities (mostly furniture). I'm driving back to New York (home sweet Brooklyn) in a Uhaul at the end of August, and I hope I will have enough furniture and other items to turn my bedroom from this:

into this:

or better yet, this:

If you (or anyone you know) are looking to get rid of furniture or general household items, I'm your gal. I might even buy them off of you if they're nice enough. I really would like to stop spending money on the apartment at this point... But it's so hard to do when there's so much great stuff out there!

Thursday's desiderata

2007-07-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
DESIDERATUM (pl. DESIDERATA)
Noun: Something desired or considered necessary.

If you're in Milwaukee tonight, you should definitely come check out Florentine @ the Lake. I help with the marketing for this bi-weekly summer event, and tonight promises to be a great time. It basically consists of great opera singers, great food/coffee, great ambience, and great weather (knock on wood) -- on the picturesque lakefront of Milwaukee. It's at the Alterra coffee house on the lakefront (1701 N. Lincoln Memorial Drive, additional parking in the marina lot across the street). Check out the description on the Florentine Opera's website if you want the whole scoop. (I wrote the website copy for all the education & outreach stuff earlier this summer, so those are my superfantasticexcited buzz words tucked in there. The photo of the volunteer on that page also happens to be my grandmother... Isn't she cute?)

Bastille Days is also going on this weekend. I walked over during my lunch break today and I plan to do the same tomorrow... And possibly tonight for dinner before the Florentine event. It's my favorite Milwaukee festival. Not only does it celebrate one of my favorite cultures (mmm les francais...), but it's also right in the middle of downtown, as opposed to on the Summerfest grounds. Any event that can shut down the streets of downtown in a 5-block radius wins in my book. Plus, there's that scale model of la Tour Eiffel in the middle of Kilbourn Ave... Perfection.

I have to quickly finish up this post and get back to work, because I spent all my "free time" at work today rooting around for new links to add to my page... So please clicky click on them and make it worth my while!

No news probably isn't good news...

2007-07-11T10:13:00.001-05:00

Word of the day:
BETIMES
Adv.: Early, in good time, before it is late; at times, on occasion.

I don't like reading or hearing the news. It's not that I don't like being up-to-date on general happenings in the world and my community and whatnot; in fact, I hate feeling like I am out of the loop. However, even more than that, I hate reading the news. Whenever I'm listening to the radio and a news break comes on, my instant reflex is to change the station. I almost never read a newspaper or news website for anything other than education issues (which obviously apply to me, so I can't avoid them), music news (the froofy stuff), and upcoming local events (especially things that involve baseball and/or the possible consumption of alcohol). This morning, for some reason, I went to cnn.com and started skimming the headlines. I skipped right over the headlines "Four UK bomb plotters get life sentences" and "Hustler claims credit for Sen. Vitter admission." I did open a few articles: one about the college girl found dead near Madison (because when else does WI make national news than when people disappear?), one about a bomb case involving a pizza delivery man (honestly, only because the phrase "pizza bomb case" was in the headline), and one about the giant squid the size of a bus that washed up on the shores of Tasmania, Australia (much more my speed).

Why do I dislike reading/hearing the news?

Upon further consideration, I came to the conclusion that I don't actually *dislike* the news. It's more that I can't stomach it. Most news articles about politics these days make me so angry that I just choose to ignore them. (Although I was very glad to read that Bush's approval rating is swooping to a whopping 29%... I don't think I'd cry too much if he accidentally fell off a bridge.) My other big issue is that stories having anything to do with a victim of any kind make me hurt so badly for the people involved, I just can't bear to read them. I'm thinking this may be a problem. I know being sensitive to other people's pain is probably not so terrible... But whatever, it sucks to not be able to read the news without wanting to cry. That's ridiculous.

I have no idea what to do about this. On one hand, I'm thinking that maybe I should just start reading the news every day -- you know, "face your fears" and all that. (Not that I *fear* the news, but you get my point.) On the other hand, I'm wondering if that would do anything besides make me miserable every morning. That's not exactly something I'd want... Waking up before 9am is bad enough, I don't want to start my day feeling awful. I suppose I could read the news at night, but then, well... It's not quite "news" anymore, is it? I'd have to read the news betimes for it to really be worth it. (I'm terrible at using my "words of the day" in a sentence.)

I'm open to suggestions. Even if all you're going to say is "suck it up and read the freaking news, Kristin" -- I'll take it.

I think it's love...

2007-07-10T10:40:00.000-05:00

I am pilfering these photos from my friend Alison. (I don't think she'll mind.) This "graffiti" can be seen all over Chinatown and the Lower East Side of New York. In some cases, it has clearly been painted over, and then re-graffiti-ed (if that is a word). Every time Alison sees one of these, she snaps a photo, and although there are a lot here, I'm sure there are dozens more out there. Let me know if you see any others. Enjoy!

Good Morning Starshine (quoting "Hair," not "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory")

2007-07-10T09:15:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
DIDACTIC
Adj.: Conveying instruction; teaching some moral lesson.

Something happened to me this morning that made me remember why I love Milwaukee, and the Midwest in general. It wasn't anything spectacular or extraordinary, but it had a spectacular and extraordinary effect on my day. Maybe it only had this effect because it was 8:30 in the morning, but nevertheless... I parked my car at the Marcus Center parking structure, as I do every day, and embarked on my 5-block walk to the Florentine Opera office on Water and Wisconsin. On the way, I stopped at the Starbucks between State and Kilbourn because I was in desperate need of a caffeine injection. I must point out that I generally try to avoid Starbucks, as I prefer to patronize a smaller chain or a local, independent coffee shop. Unfortunately though, the Stone Creek Coffee near the office moved, and the Bruegger's across the street has great bagels but not so great coffee, so Starbucks is basically my only choice these days. This Starbucks on Water Street, however, impresses me more and more every day, and today was no exception.

I walked into the somewhat small coffee shop to see a mess of people -- half a dozen in line to order, and 8 or 9 waiting for their drinks. Despite the crowd, and the evil hour of the morning (okay, so maybe 8:20am isn't exactly *evil*), there seemed to be a pleasant air to the place. As I made my way up to the counter, I noticed that all of the employees were smiling and chatting energetically, and each patron walked away with a smile as well, or a hint of one at the corner of the mouth at the very least. When it was my turn at the register, I ordered my grande sugar-free hazelnut nonfat latte with a smile, and the guy who took my order grabbed a cup, and as he started making notations on it (SFH, N, etc.) he grinned and said: "How is your day so far?" The rest of our exchange went as follows:

Him: "How is your day so far?"
Me: "Not bad, not bad. How's yours?"
H: "Can't complain yet."
M: "It's only the beginning." [smile]
H: "Well then I guess it has plenty of time to get worse."
M: "Oh, now that's not a good way to think about it."
H: "What can I say, it's the Midwestern point of view. I hope you enjoy it though!"

Now I know this doesn't sound like a thrilling or even optimistic conversation, but when filled with wry smiles and almost-winks, the tone drastically changes. This dialogue occurred while he was writing my order on the cup, putting the syrup in it, taking my money, and making my change. It wasn't as if he was stopping his work to chat, or even slowing down at all, but I also didn't feel like he was trying to rush me out of there and get to the next customer immediately.

This begs the question: Is it actually possible to run a timely and efficient business AND be friendly at the same time? This concept would be lost in New York. In fact, if I were in a New York Starbucks and someone started a conversation like that with me, I would likely think he were trying to hit on me and quite frankly I'd be a little creeped out. Does that say something about the difference between service in New York and service in the Midwest, or does it say something about *me*?

I'm sure I could make some exaggerated effort to call this a situation that "conveys instruction" or "teaches a moral lesson" about Milwaukee and how great it is, so as to sneak my word of the day into this post... But I haven't finished that coffee yet, so forgive me but I'm just going to end it right here.

Rebel Rebel

2007-07-02T15:14:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
FRACTIOUS
Adj.: Tending to cause trouble, unruly; irritable, snappish, cranky.

I threw my sister a bridal shower yesterday. I'd never been to one before, but I think it went pretty well. Despite our differences and the extent to which we drive each other crazy when we're both home, I definitely adore her. I hope she had a good time. (She certainly cleaned up in the gift department!)

It seems completely ridiculous that it is already July 2nd. There are so many things that I need to do in the next month and a half-ish. And yet, on the other hand, I'm always so bored. Sometimes I wish I weren't so good at procrastinating.

I do enjoy today's word -- at least the first half of the definition. I like to think I'm a little bit of a trouble-maker... I turn to David Bowie to end my entry for today.

Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

You've torn your dress, your face is a mess
You can't get enough, but enough ain't the test
You've got your transmission and your live wire
You got your cue line and a handful of ludes
You wanna be there when they count up the dudes
And I love your dress
You're a juvenile success
Because your face is a mess
So how could they know?
I said, how could they know?

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang?

2007-06-29T10:42:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
BIFURCATE
Verb: To divide into two branches or parts.

Last night, I went to the East Side to watch the Big Bang fireworks that celebrate the first night of Summerfest, Milwaukee's famed 11-day music festival. My friend and I walked the few blocks from her apartment to the top of Lafayette Hill, which looks out over Lake Michigan and provides a great view of the marina and those impressive fireworks. As we were sitting there waiting for the 10:30pm start (which actually became a 10:40pm start), I noticed the way the moon reflected on the lake. It was so gorgeous -- the moon was almost full, and its reflection on the dark lake made it look so mysterious, almost as if it had been taken straight out of a movie. I started to hear Hans Zimmer's haunting music in the background as I envisioned undead pirates marching under water, just below the surface... (Yes, I was picturing Pirates of the Caribbean -- don't judge.)

Another aspect of the evening stole my attention from the fireworks once they began. Sitting about 4 feet from us was a trio of spectators who had brought along their puppy. When I say puppy, I mean puppy. She couldn't have been more than 8 weeks old, and she was the second most adorable puppy I'd ever seen close up. (Second only to my own puppy, of course, when she was that age.) This puppy, whose name was Isabella, was a tiny ball of energy, constantly running and leaping all over the place, but stopping every few seconds to smother people's hands in little puppy-kisses.

When I finally did tear my attention away from Isabella and pointed it again at the fireworks, it was just about time for the grand finale. My friend and I discussed the fact that throughout our lives we have always enjoyed the few hours leading up to the fireworks -- preparing the food, getting the blanket, finding a good viewing spot, camping out for the long wait between finding the spot and watching the fireworks -- much more than the actual fireworks themselves. The exception to this rule for me, however, is the grand finale. It is the one part that truly gets to me every time. The colors and the power of the explosions... Simply breathtaking.

Paris, je t'aime

2007-06-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
COLLUDE
Verb: To act in concert; to conspire; to plot.

I have made a spontaneous future decision. That's a bit of an oxymoron, but it's both spontaneous and in the somewhat distant future. Bear with me.

I am going to spend next summer in Paris. As long as I can find a subletter for my apartment in Brooklyn, that is. But hey, I have a subletter this summer, hopefully it won't be a problem for next summer. Now, this plan will only work if I have already nailed down a job for the following fall. I don't even know yet what I'm going to be doing as of February 1st when my teaching job ends, but that's not important at this point. I have emailed the American Cathedral in Paris to see if there is any kind of internship I could do involving music. A friend of mine did an internship there for a month last summer, and I've asked him to help me do the same. (Unfortunately I don't think his internship was paid, so I might not be able to do that.) I have also contacted my former roommate from last year when I lived in Paris, who has since moved to the city of lights permanently with her French boyfriend. Maybe the two of them will be able to scrounge up some work for me.

If you have any leads for me -- any contacts in Paris who could help me find employment for the summer of '08 -- please oh please let me know. I will owe you my first-born child. Or perhaps just a drink or two. Please help me collude to achieve this goal. [I know I have terribly misused my word of the day, but I wanted to squeeze it in there somehow. Forgive me.]

Playing hooky

2007-06-27T10:29:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
FACTIOUS
Adj.: (1) Given to faction; addicted to form parties and raise dissensions, in opposition to government or the common good; turbulent; seditious (2) Pertaining to faction; proceeding from faction; indicating, or characterized by, faction

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it considered incorrect to use the word itself (or its root) in the definition? Bad form, dictionary.com.

Last night's Brewer game was one for the books. A 2-run homer in the first inning got the game started. The top of the 6th saw the Astros score 2 runs, giving them a 4-2 lead. But the Brewers came back with 9 additional runs in the bottom of that inning -- including a bases-clearing single by Weeks, a 2-run homer by Graffanino, and a grand slam by Estrada. I hope they saved some of that panache for today's game. I'm leaving work at 11:30 to go to the 1pm game with my dad. I bought the tickets for his birthday -- he turned 50 on Monday. It may seem strange that people in Milwaukee are so emotionally attached to the Brewers this season, but their success really is moving. How appropriate it is that in the season that marks the 25th anniversary of the year they won the pennant, the Brewers start off the season with a bang and just keep right at it. Their success isn't just good news for sports fans, either. This ball club brings people together, infuses hope back in Milwaukee, and has certainly not hurt our economy. In a city that is in the middle of a renaissance of sorts -- finally becoming a fun and culturally stimulating place -- this added surge of camaraderie, this coming together of people from all walks of life, couldn't have better timing.

It looks like Brewers fans are no longer merely a faction of major league baseball fans... [Didn't see that coming, did you?]

I don't want to work...

2007-06-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
VENERATE
Verb: To treat someone or something with deep respect, reverence, or deference; to revere.

Summer has this way of seeping into the brain and the soul and taking hold of every thought, plan, and ambition. I'm not sure if it's this laziness-inducing quality of the warmth and sun, or simply the fact that I have to sit at a computer all day, but I absolutely cannot concentrate on anything. My thoughts are scattered and I have 12 internet windows open. I have a to-do list to which I have only given a cursory glance in the past two hours. This is a terrible trend.

Today's word seems oddly fitting to me. I need to reclaim a sense of veneration of -- anything at all. The only thing that seems to truly interest me these days is the outdoors. I suppose that may actually be okay, being intrigued by the outdoors and unmoved by the rest. It's just unfortunate that I'm trapped in an office Monday-Thursday 9-5, with little to no window access.

Experimentation

2007-06-25T16:10:00.000-05:00

Word of the day:
ABSTRUSE
Adj.: Difficult to comprehend or understand.

I have, as of late, started regularly reading several blogs that I really like, specifically for their writing style. I have also been doing a lot of leisure reading, and getting to know different writers' styles. These two activities have prompted me to start a blog of my own, just to see how I feel about it. We'll see how my experiment goes...